Я не буду беспокоить, вставая из кровати для неудачника, как ты

You're such a loser, why would I want to spend any time with you? I'm just going to stay here and entertain myself because you can't do it for me. You're not completely useless though, I'm going to treat you like a doormat though, you're going to serve me, bring me food, drinks, keep my phone charged and try not to scream when I play mind games with you. I wonder how much it would break you if I invited someone much better looking than you into my bed and made you stand and watch?